Not everything happens for a reason

Bit of a rant i am afraid......but why change the habit of a life time! 

As the title says - not everything happens for a reason!  And if one more person tells me that it does, or that there was a reason for Isaac dying or that God has a plan for us all etc etc i will seriously harm somebody i think. 
And if you think that there IS a reason for everything please could you let me in on the reason that Isaac died?  I understand the reason we had to turn his machine off.  He had been through far too much and he was seriously ill and his body couldn't take anymore, so yes, i can see the reason he died as in it wouldn't have been fair to keep him artificially alive.  But that doesn't answer the question does it.  Why did he have to be ill in the first place?  Why did he have to be born early?  Are you seriously telling me that God had that as his plan?  When God decided we would have Isaac did he then decide we would have an horrendous birth, he would be ill and in pain for 20 days and then he would die?  Thats not the God i know!  And if you are trying to tell me that this is the God you believe in then don't expect me to join you.  Things do not always happen for a reason.  I can't justify Isaac's death that way.  And i am still shocked that people expect me to to be honest.  Crap things happen in life and sometimes there are reasons and sometimes there aren't. 

It is Isaac's birthday in 9 days.   I am not too sure how i should be feeling about this or even how i am feeling about this.  I am a little bit of a mess really.  I keep thinking back to this time last year.  This time last year i had been ill and a hospital in Cornwall had told me that it was dehydration and i was fine and i naively believed them.  This time last year i went back into hospital on the weds and they still told me i didnt have pre eclampsia and sent me back up to Leeds to go home.  How can i not be cross about that?  I have tried to be of the opinion that it happened and they didnt do it on purpose and i can't change things but it doesn't help.  I am still so cross that it wasn't picked up until later by a different hospital. 
This time last year i still thought i had 14 weeks to go and all would be well and that i would be celebrating my little boys birthday soon this year. 
Things don't always happen for a reason, sometimes things make no sense at all and we just have to come to terms with that.